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at least richter has a scale by ~caveatLECTOR:iconcaveatLECTOR:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Nature > Open


         in the labor pains
      of the day
before i could see
                       to put pentopaper
         i dreamed i felt the earth.

                         jarred.

              by your incurable anger.

                         whatever i did,
                                         i’m sorry.
©2005-2009 ~caveatLECTOR
:iconcaveatlector:

Author's Comments

i dreamed you were incurably angry.
that morning i wrote.
and later found out the earth had shaken.




scrawled through sleep-bleary eyes the morning of the recent southern california quake, before i had even heard a breath of it.


edit 26.07.05 - line six italicised. line seven added 'incurable.' for you who liked the description rather than the poem, how else could i marry the two?

Comments


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:iconfredfree:
=fredfree Jul 17, 2005, 1:05:36 PM
"jarred."
great, love, wow.

[so glad you didn't have "advanced" checked]

--
Ff
:iconlivingbyair:
=livingbyair Jul 17, 2005, 1:20:22 PM
That's an odd experience. Love that opening line.

I wish the information given in the description was a part of the poem.
:iconcaveatlector:
~caveatLECTOR Jul 17, 2005, 1:21:12 PM
it's supposed to be the default... don't let it intimidate you. ;)

--
amelia
=======
we sailed away on a winter day
we stayed as malleable as clay
but ships are fallible i say
and the nautical like all things fades.
~j. newsom
:iconcaveatlector:
~caveatLECTOR Jul 17, 2005, 1:21:44 PM
maybe you could help me put it there.

--
amelia
=======
we sailed away on a winter day
we stayed as malleable as clay
but ships are fallible i say
and the nautical like all things fades.
~j. newsom
:iconswim-inside:
~Swim-Inside Jul 17, 2005, 5:23:37 PM
yes I think the real poem is actually in the description and that the poem itself is a weaker version of what you are actually trying to say.
:iconjon-law:
`Jon-Law Jul 25, 2005, 9:00:48 PM
Hmm, neat (and neat experience, by the sounds of it). Not sure which camp I'm in for this "poem should include description" issue. I'll have to read it more, read the comments, and make a decision.

--
If I'm not writing, I'm just sitting here changing oxygen into carbon dioxide. Like a baby. A little shit and piss factory, maybe one day a man. Be a man today, motherfucker.
:iconcaveatlector:
~caveatLECTOR Jul 26, 2005, 9:32:01 AM
good, you know i am always looking forward to your input.

--
amelia. nothing cute about it at the mo'.
=======
"Come and play with me," the little prince proposed. "I'm feeling so sad."
"I can't play with you," the fox said. "I'm not tamed."
:iconjon-law:
`Jon-Law Jul 26, 2005, 4:11:25 PM
Aw, how sweet.

Ok, so, as much as I agree that the description is interesting and adds a certain depth, I think it also spoils too much of the mystery (esp. the basically-fictional ending) to be included in full. I reviewed the description for parts I like, i.e. would recommend including, and really, I think it's best to leave most of it as just the story behind the poem (which it is, of course). Putting "incurable" before "anger" in the poem would go a long way, though.

--
If I'm not writing, I'm just sitting here changing oxygen into carbon dioxide. Like a baby. A little shit and piss factory, maybe one day a man. Be a man today, motherfucker.
:iconcaveatlector:
~caveatLECTOR Jul 26, 2005, 8:14:11 PM
agreed. and done.

--
amelia. nothing cute about it at the mo'.
=======
"Come and play with me," the little prince proposed. "I'm feeling so sad."
"I can't play with you," the fox said. "I'm not tamed."
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