I like the "we are too permanent" as opposed to poetry being transient, since you could argue the exact opposite too. Lives come and go, but the written words, such as those of Emily Dickinson and William Shakespeare, exist far longer. I thought that was an interesting twist.
great work. i like the tone/voice especially. i'm going to disagree respectfully with ~NonieR below about the line break in 5th line. It's arch and maybe even a bit coy, which I rather like, but is surprising or startling in its unlikelihood. If it interests you, here is my opinion on one small thing: I would leave out "at breakneck speed," since you've already written "speeding" in the previous line, which itself suggests breakneck, therefore making the breakneck phrase unnecessary. Congratulations on the DD!
Good call on the duplication of "speed" etc. To be honest this was never a poem I had taken seriously, and Ross was so sweet to nominate it. And I haven't been around here in absolutely ages and ages, though I used to be very active. I appreciate the criticism, and also hugely appreciate you picking up on my playfulness there about not writing.
One crit, if you want it: I'd break that last sentence at a different point, probably after "epics," because the transitional reading "I have never been one for writing" doesn't seem likely/appropriate. But that's minor.
Actually it's that play on not being one for writing that I'm going after, so the break there is absolutely by design. It's inappropriateness and irony is one of the intended meanings. I appreciate your input, though, thank you.
I dig it, though "speed on" and "breakneck speed" make for the clanks. A powerful compact original phrase right there could elevate it from your signature fond punchline pieces to a real bullet of a poem. (A bullet in the good way.)
i noe wat you mean bout not writing about the person you love. its happened to me too before. somehow theres an unspoken obligation that you have to write about him/her. but sometimes, the inspiration just isnt there. theres nothing to be done and ur loved one just has to understand that and this piece is really a great way to tell that person that he/she means more than poetry and everything else. wonderfully crafted from the depths of ur heart. i love this.